Each fortnight The Old Pro will draw on his years of experience to bring you his take on all things Old Headingley. Read on to find out what’s been catching his attention recently..
Plenty has changed in the years since I first made the terrifying step up into “open age” football from the warm comfort of the junior ranks.
Back then, simulation was a word you associated with the early versions of Championship Manager rather than the term referees use in their match reports when describing why they booked Andy Hallam. These days, defenders no longer have an unspoken allowance of 35 fouls with which they can kick the living daylights out of tricky wingers before the referee reluctantly feels obliged to “have a word”, whilst until fairly recently, “showing your studs” only merited a foul if you “showed” your full metal set to an opponent’s thigh and successfully demonstrated their sharpness.
“a player sporting streaks of white on their boots is now considered to be making a fashion statement…”
And in what many consider the most significant development in the amateur footballing experience, a player sporting streaks of white on their boots is now considered to be making a fashion statement, rather than having unfortunately run through some particularly old dog excrement as was the case when animal lovers displayed somewhat less social responsibility in and around the nation’s playing fields.
However, for me, the one aspect of football culture which would have made the single biggest difference to the experience of playing for OHAFC if it had remained as it was when I began my footballing education is this. The communal team bath.
Without any shadow of doubt, spending any length of time in a huge tiled pool of filthy water alongside people such as Sam Hasson, Lewis Keogh, and Steve Beck would be the acid test of whether a player would be able to cut it at OHAFC. You could guarantee that week in week out, hot water would definitely not be alone as the only fluid you’d find in there. When the depth of water allowed, people splashing around on all fours graphically pretending to be any number of creatures would be a given. Dunking of Dave Gillespie would be constant, yet never failing to entertain. Any newcomer or quiet character would be well within their rights to be petrified. In fact, the only thing I cannot make up my mind on is whether the number of instances each Saturday of breaking wind and sniggering at the subsequent bubbles would total more or less than 10. I think if pushed, I’d imagine it would be in double figures week in week out.
“pretty remarkable team spirit that exists within OHAFC…”
I only played at one club where there was a post-match bathtub which the lads would all pile into, and as I recall, it was a pretty normal experience and not too harrowing at all. I think that what I take from this is not that I used to play with a bunch of boring lads, but rather that my current team mates just choose to bond in a slightly more unconventional way. If this goes some way to accounting for the pretty remarkable team spirit that exists within OHAFC, then this is by no means a bad thing.
Of course, regardless of whether it’s post-match showers or baths that we’re talking about, there will always be those in the club that choose to take their chances with smelling stale after the game and waiting until they get home to shower. Where’s the fun in that???…Well, if it means you not having to experience the kind of antics I saw in the disabled shower before and after the reserves’ game away at Brighouse this season, perhaps it’s the sensible choice.
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